It's Okay to Laugh

It's Okay to Laugh by Nora McInerny Purmort
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Of all the cancer memoirs I've read recently, this is the first one written by a surviving family member instead of the patient themselves. Nora writes with humor, honestly, and truth about what it's like to lose the ones you love to soon. Beyond just putting in to words some of the things I have been feeling over the past 6 months, though, Nora gives great advice and insight in how to be a good friend to your own people who are grieving.

The line that sticks with me most is this: "You may be the one who says the wrong thing, but that's better than being the one who says nothing at all." As a perfectionist at heart, sometime's it's hard for me to do or say anything if I fear it might not be the "right" or "best" thing for the situation, but in the end, it's not your perfect words that are going to matter to your friends, it's the fact that you texted, or called, or sent a card, or a facebook message; that you SHOWED UP and said, in your own imperfect way, "I'm here for you. I care about you. You are important."

One of my friends recently lost her husband to cancer, and through this whole process, she has been a pillar of strength and faith, especially for her kids. My friend immediately came to mind when Nora said, "You don't do it because you're superwoman, you do it because it's your life, and no one can live it for you." Life doesn't just stop, and you can't just stop either - there's still bills to pay and kids to feed and showers to take. You're strong because you have to be. That doesn't make that strength any less amazing, but that's just the way life is.

Another insight that sticks with me is the uniqueness of grief, and how isolating that can be. "Grief is lonely, no matter how many other people feel it. Each is different, because we lost different people." I take that thought and to it that you can't expect anyone else to grieve the same way you do. You have to allow people to grieve in the ways they need, even if it doesn't make sense to you.

I've never been married, so I don't know what it's like to contemplate losing the love of your life, but I can relate to the fear and anxiety that comes with the thought of losing your parents. I am extremely close to my parents, and they are getting to be an age where they have major health issues, most recently my dad's own brain cancer diagnosis. Every day, I worry about what life will be like without them, and what I can do to make their lives better every day I have with them. I loved (and also sobbed through) Nora's story of her last words for her father as he passed, and I pray that I'll not only be able to be the same comfort to my parents one day, but also that I'll tell them these things every day along the way: "You are the best dad."

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